Philippians 1:27-30

Pastor Jim started his sermon by saying that the Philippian church was a lot like us: selfish, having to deal with the world's expectations (which are different than God's expectations), and

Expecting the day to go without problems.

That really struck me hard.  I expect each day to go without problems.  And of course, when it doesn't, I get so flustered, aggravated and mad. That's when I lose my cool and start to yell.  Or eat poorly.  Or give up and don't exercise.

We are supposed to conduct ourselves as Citizens of Heaven.  What does that mean?  Well, citizenship in Heaven is by gift only.  There is no way to become a citizen of Heaven on your own.  You must accept that God is the only way to be welcomed there.  And He paid a pretty stinkin high price for me to gain entry.

I'm not always properly grateful.  But when I think about it, I should be HUMBLED by what was done for me.  By what should have been done TO me.  So a Citizen of Heaven is humble.

A Citizen of Heaven is also someone who knows they can't conduct themselves properly on their own, and that's ok because God has promised us
LOVE
JOY
PEACE
PATIENCE
KINDNESS
GOODNESS
FAITHFULNESS
GENTLENESS
and
SELF CONTROL.

It's like a wishlist of characteristics and they're all gifts to us!  Even though my days will not be perfect (and in fact, Paul talks about how it is a gift for us to suffer like Christ... which, I always thought, meant dying, but it could be as mild as being aggravated by the circumstances you're in, or being frustrated by your child's selfish heart again and again...) even though they're not going to be perfect, I can ask for God to help me conduct myself with Grace.

And he will provide that Grace.  In abundance.

Birthday Wishes from the Sargasso Sea...

One of my resolutions I made on my birthday was to start writing again.  I figured the only way I'll have time to write is if I do my writing while Hayden is doing his writing.  Right now he's procrastinating over his journal writing so I might have quite a long time to write.

I don't have a clue what to write about.  Hayden has been assigned the task of writing about this weekend.  I like asking him to do that on Mondays, because I hope it's improving his long term memory.  Right now, Hayden has a stellar memory... if it's something he's interested in.  But somehow, no matter how interesting the weekend was, he can never remember anything.

And it was an interesting weekend.  Friday was my birthday.  Adam took the day off because I had a dentist appointment.  The kids woke me up and asked for ice cream cake (originally taken with us to small group Thursday night) for breakfast.  I happily told them yes, and the kids and I paraded downstairs for bowls of lemon and strawberry goodness.  Abigail asked for a small piece, but of course, changed her mind after finishing that and asked for more.  I licked frosting off my fingers as I scooped it off the plastic container it came in.

The dentist appointment was not as fun.  Not terrible.  But no one could say having a filling replaced is the height of excitement.  I did, however, plan out some resolutions for my 34th year while I was stuck in that chair, staring up at the light and the ornaments hanging from the ceiling.  There isn't a breeze in the dentists office, so the ornaments hang completely still.  One, a fabric and wire butterfly, was made with surprisingly realistic features such as red buggy eyes and wiry legs.  But only four legs.  I wondered if some fell off or if the crafter just didn't know how many legs an insect should have.

As I was pulling out my phone to make appointments for another dental check-up, I noticed a text from Adam asking if I was done yet.  I texted back that I was on my way.  I was worried that the baby, only two months old, was crying.  This was the first time that I left him with someone else and without me being close enough to nurse him if needed.  When I got home a few minutes later, he was relatively quiet, but Adam told me he had been fussing for ten minutes or so.

"He is either hungry or needs a diaper change, but I didn't change him.  I wasn't sure what diapers were his and which were Abigail's," he said.

When I woke up on the morning of my birthday, I was feeling grateful that I was able to serve my family, even though it was my birthday.  I was happy to be here, alive, and with another year before me to care for the people I love.

As the day wore on, and I made pancakes and picked up the house and changed the baby, I found myself occasionally starting to get annoyed that no one rushed in to stop me from serving the family.  I mean, it was my birthday!  Shouldn't everyone be grabbing the spatula from my hand and insisting I sit down?  Should they be picking up the trail of toys and clothes that follow after them all the time and, for one day, miraculously putting these things away?  Why, on the day celebrating my birth, did my house have to look like the Sargasso Sea??

But before this line of thinking could ruin a good day, I reminded myself that I ALWAYS do this stuff for my family.  I even enjoy some of it, like making pancakes.  So why would they think that I wouldn't want to do it on THIS day?  They were even staying out of my way, just the way I usually prefer when I'm busy trying to "get things done".  And Adam had come in to where I was to hug me and tell me how much he loved me while I flipped the pancakes, standing behind me so as not to get in the way of what I was doing.  Of course this was their way of showing me love!

So it was a good birthday.  After fillings and pancakes, we did a science center and the movies.  Dinner was my choice and I chose my favorite type of sandwich, which was served with chips and my favorite soda.  There was more ice cream cake until it was gone.  And the best part was I didn't cry once, which I'm known to do on my birthday.  It was a perfect day.

Two views

Last night, Ian was awake a lot! He had a lot of trouble pushing out some poo so he stayed up late, then woke up his usual three times to eat. 

1. I am tired

2. I am thankful we cosleep!  Can you imagine how much more tired I'd be!?

Yesterday my mom wanted to call and talk to the kids. This morning I found a Facebook post she tagged me on about a tiny homeschool toy that grows in water. 

1. She interrupted family time. And I don't want more crap, especially chokable crap, in my house. 

2. My mom wants to be involved in my kids' lives and they will grow up knowing Grandma loves them. And what a great time to model "people before things" last night. 

I went to church yesterday but missed the sermon because Ian wanted to constantly nurse and Adam wouldn't let me be one of the many women who break the rules and nurse in the family room. 

1. I really needed a regular church day. I'm annoyed and disappointed and I feel like there's no point in going if I can't listen and nurse.... Which means I'd miss Easter services before Ian is old enough for the nursery. 

2. I got to sing four songs to God. And see people. And Ian will not be this little and need me for long. 

Change in attitude

I was thinking during rest time today that I should start thinking about things I'm looking forward to (aside from rest time and bedtime!). Some days I wonder if I have or am heading towards adrenal fatigue like Lori has because I don't find as much joy in time with the kids as I used to. Now "good days" are days that run on schedule... And that's sad. 

So, rest time is ending (or else Abigail will not sleep tonight). I need to get out a veggie snack (bleh), heat up some dinner, and do some desk work. 

What am I looking forward to?

Obviously not the veggies. I want to have something I'm doing with the kids that I'm looking forward to. Maybe we can start making some decorations for Adam's birthday tonight since he's going out with an out of town friend who is visiting. 

Things I'm grateful for:

1. This tiny little face 

2. Mom taking the kids out this morning

3. Doing Bible study first thing today

Freak out Number 3

I am freaking out right now for no good reason. I'm a freaking mess. But neither of those things are what the title pertains to. 

A little over a week ago, we found out we're pregnant with baby three. 

I'm actually very excited. We were praying about trusting God with our family size, and this was the result. It means having to move eventually. It means finding a bunch of baby gear again because all I have left is the Ergo. And mostly it means a new family member arrives in March. 

To celebrate we went out for lunch and discussed why we were freaking out. For me it was the onset of morning sickness (I didn't handle it well with Abigail's pregnancy). For Adam it was the apartment size, the car size and freak out number 3: how fat will my wife get now. 

Not that he said it in so many words. But let's face it. I weigh twenty pounds more now than before I had my two kids. That's ten pounds a pregnancy. That means I'll be THIRTY POUNDS overweight after this one if I don't make some changes! 

But still, I really wish my husband would stop making left handed comments about my weight. Afterall, I blame him and his not wanting to eat what I made on our backtracking in our last diet...

Ok. Enough blame-placing. Time to get to business. And that means instead of just trying to SURVIVE morning sickness, I'm attempting to change the way we eat to a healthier lifestyle. I'm loosely modeling it on Primal, which helped me lose ten pounds and feel great in January and February. I'm following wellnessmama.com who is an inspiration. 

But here's the thing. I'm doing it SLOWLY!  Everyone's first step is to toss all the bad stuff and start cooking in a way that's foreign to me (spices? What are those??). No one helps me deal with reluctant HUSBANDS, although Wellness Mama has tips for reluctant kids. No one helps deal with all that food you just bought YESTERDAY that's not diet approved. No one teaches you how to like cooking or spices when you're a bland sandwich and pizza type of gal. 

And I'm gonna blog about my slow journey. Hopefully it will stick! (Both the blogging AND the healthy food!)

And I'm gonna start tomorrow... Tonight it's pbjs because I'm so tired...

Happy New Year!

It's new year's eve.  (New Year's Eve?  Is that supposed to be capitalized?)  The day to make resolutions.  And I have a few, of course.  Most of them have to do with bringing who I feel like as MOM in line with who I felt like PREMOM (or as "Angie," only not quite so bratty and inept.  More like how I felt as "College Angela," who was, if not cool, at least more fit, energetic, and daring).  We are done expanding our family (unless God decides to surprise us) and it feels like there's a completeness to the baby craziness and a sense that it's time to discover who we will be as a family with kids.  Not babies.  Not toddlers.  Not preschoolers.  But KIDS.  Kids who think and reason and get dressed all by themselves and know how to use the potty and play board games and go to school and all that jazz.  We still have a few years, but I think it's good to start figuring this stuff out now.  Kind of a "Steven-Covey-Begin-With-The-End-In-Mind" sort of thing.

Resolution 1: Lose the baby weight

I know, I know.  EVERYONE has lose weight as a resolution (except my friend Lori, who has gain weight as a resolution, but that's its own struggle).  But if I'm done having babies, then I no longer have an excuse for the extra poundage.  And I want my kids to see that exercise is important, and Mom has the energy to be fun and active.  Plus this belly fat is not healthy or attractive and although my husband doesn't mind, if I don't feel sexy, I don't want to be sexy.  So the belly weight has got to go.

The Plan:
I want to detox myself of sugar by eating as many unprocessed foods as possible.  I also want to try going a year without sugar.  My friend Pam says that it affects her mood and energy level when she eats sugar.  I want to see. 
It's going to be hard, especially since I love to bake.  I'm thinking I'll have to bake things like muffins and breads.  But we'll make January a NO BAKE month to see if that helps. 
I'm going to focus on eating more protien and vegetables and fruit, try to watch portion sizes, and continue to eat every two hours, but make the snack times more healthy.
I also want to start getting up with the alarm at six am (which means going to bed earlier) to get some time alone with me and the tv and an exercise video.  I used to do this before kids, and I find it's very helpful for me to have a set in stone workout time.

Resolution 2: Become more interesting again.

I've always been a big reader but I used to have other interests as well.  Now when date night comes along I don't have much to talk about aside from kids and books I've read.  Plus the kids don't see me doing anything that I find enjoyable, aside from taking a break with a book.

The Plan:

Here are some idea for hobbies I'd like to cultivate:
-Working on this blog!  (Woo hoo!  I'm on my way!)
-volunteering someplace like a zoo or museum on Saturdays (this one is hard because it takes away from family time, but I think it would be worthwhile)
-starting an Etsy shop for some of my cool inventions (first I have to make sure I can MAKE my cool inventions!)
-playing with Sculpi again to make beads and miniatures (I LOVED this in junior high.  It's probably the only time I can remember that I LOVED doing detail work)
-reading up on important things (like evolution and why it sucks as a theory.  Darn it, I'm gonna actually READ Origin of the Species and find out what it says!)
-writing (yes, Mom, I'm going to start writing again... Maybe I'll start with some ethnography observation exercises.  I LOVED doing those in high school and college.)
-photography (I'm thinking of saving my money and getting a more interesting camera.  I used to have a Minolta with interchangable lenses.  It took FANTASTIC pictures and was fun to use.  But I traded it in for something smaller that I was more willing to carry around.  Now I want the cool one back...)
-hiking (I loved following trails when I was a kid, and when my husband and I went to Maine we both said we should do more hiking when we came home.  We didn't.)

Resolution 3: I can't remember...

I feel like there were more resolutions when I was talking about them in the car... oh well.  I think this is enough for now. 

Happy New Year, Everyone!  And may God bless you and keep you in the new year!

New Year's Project

Start a scrapbook for each of your kids to celebrate who they were this past year.  It doesn't have to be anything big.  We do a three page layout in our scrapbooks.  Two facing pages have pictures, quotes, mementos, etc layed out in a nice way.  The other page becomes a pocket for letters and other mementos that didn't make it into the "artsy" layout. 

Superboy, now that he's old enough to have an opinion, helps me pick the three sheets of paper for the backgrounds.  I pick five or so pictures from the year to print.  The whole thing costs maybe three dollars once you've bought the scrapbook.  And Superboy LOVES to flip back through the past years.

I also put a pocket at the back of the scrapbook where I put sealed letters from me to be opened when Superboy or Little Miss are 20.  Kind of a time capsule of how much their mom loved them.

I do the letters around the kids' birthdays because they don't take very long, but the scrapbook I do in January for a couple reasons.  1) birthday time is too crazy with making plans for the parties and 2) it gives me a nice project to do when I'm feeling bored that the Christmas stuff is done.